An Unbelievable Love Story?

[pendragonfruit]

I can’t sleep. I have to share this because maybe I am also but if I record it and wake up, it could be real.

Thanks to TYT, I became more active and aware of the world around us. I followed the mess that was our Afghanistan pullout. I was overwhelmed with emotion and I reached out to somewhat random people left behind in Kabul. I asked if they were safe. I did my best to give them hope. I gave information on the other countries and what they were saying to do. Not everyone replied. I made a few friends. Some disappeared while others kept me updated on their wellbeing.

One guy in particular kept in touch with me regularly. We became friends but conversation was limited mostly because the Taliban randomly inspected phones for anyone who worked with Americans. He and I would discuss methods of leaving the country and utilizing the embassies in Iran. This has been going on for nearly 5 years now.

In this time, he’s had regular conversations with me. He has shared his fears and updated me on his situation. And surprisingly, he has not asked me for money. Technically, I randomly sought him out.

Something unexpected happened though. In our friendship, other feelings have developed. I wasn’t expecting this, especially from him. You can’t be gay in Afghanistan. Your family could give you an honor killing if the family gets to you first. But I’ve clarified in every way to make sure the translation was working properly so he was on the same page as me.

In all this time, we were coming up with dead ends to get him out of there. I would always shoot down any idea he had of smuggling himself across the border. However, I was not aware of his determination that apparently I fueled, and he just got his passport, which I thought was impossible!

He’s ready to journey to Iran shortly. We had to figure out the next step to get out of there, likely to the UK. He wants to come to me in the US. I joked around about marriage, after he was in the UK, but to my surprise, he didn’t get offended by that.

We talked a lot on that topic and apparently I awoke something inside of him that fear suppressed. I also helped free himself from the dogma of his religion, and helped him think freely.

While I was giving hope to never give up, I apparently did more than that, over the course of almost 5 years. I was not expecting this. The feelings, while hindered by distance, are mutual. I had to make sure we’re weren’t using a dating app because I was shocked. This wasn’t part of the plan.

But in all the darkness that was left, was the hope I gave him enough to be a beacon of light? Or if John was reading this, “A beacon to light the way in [his] darkest hour”? John isn’t a nerd if he doesn’t get that reference.

I didn’t have hope anyone could leave there. Basically, I give hope to men but keep none for myself. Yet, he’s done more than I had expected.

[pendragonfruit]

Second half…

So we have written the embassy and told our story. We did add that he technically could be considered an asylum seeker because it’s not safe to be gay in Afghanistan. We are waiting on a reply.

Best case scenario, asylum is granted and he’s out of that area. What I don’t know is how he gets here? It’s not asylum from UK to here, but the US is the goal. There is the finance visa (k-1 visa) but enough though this relationship is so new that it’s weird to call it that, it is similar to trust of a distance relationship on a dating app.

Ultimately, the goal is to save his life. My involvement was never intended other than pointing out resources and helping write in English.

I don’t know what to do in all of this and am aiming blindly with the embassy information. After that, I’m even more confused.

This has given me great hope in that I could give someone the chance at a happy life. Am I wrong to even feel a bit of joy out if this, too? I don’t need anything, but if love is actually in this? I’m afraid to think about it because that’s not the goal. It was never a requirement.

I’m stressing though because the passport was the easy part. I don’t know how to get the embassy to do whatever to get him here I or at least out of there. I don’t even know who to ask once he’s in the UK. I am super poor myself, likely declined a job I interviewed for because of the proposed Medicaid cuts. But that won’t stop me.

But this doesn’t seem real. But it still is and it wasn’t planned nor even a thought. I still don’t fully believe it. And it’s so strange that one would think I was being scammed but I sought him out at random almost 5 years ago. I never expected we would be here.

I had to share that. I am feeling hopeful considering the dark times it when it started.

[drea_m_r_76]

I am happy you have hope, and I wish you all the best! One avenue to pursue is contacting the people in your state representing you at the local, state, and federal levels (hopefully Democrats). They will be able to help you by letting you know what you need to do and making sure the person you are trying to help is legitimate and safe. As you know, with everything going on in the country, you are in for an uphill battle. May your path be filled with love, safety, and happiness!

[pendragonfruit]

Well I’m in MD, so blurple? The options are k-1 visa for marriage within 90 days or asylum. The k-1 is fine because while we don’t have a lengthy romantic chat history, due to Taliban randomly inspecting phones for proof of American relations, we have been connected on Facebook for almost 5 years. We couldn’t talk about anything gay related for his safety.

Asylum is the other option but how do I get him here from there? He has a passport. He can get to Iran. But where next? We are going in blind holding on to a small hope that good things still happen.

I can’t even really go for public support to tell the story to get financial assistance because he is not in an area where he can be safely outed. I can’t tell a love story without showing his face while he’s in Iran. I won’t even say his name.

I believe in love so much that I’ve been stubborn and unwilling to try with anyone unless I felt a connection, digital or in person. This relationship wasn’t even a thought ~5 years ago and yet here we are.

What makes this harder for me is I am autistic and I get flustered with too much information. I just need instructions and steps to follow. But reality is 1) a gay couple isn’t that popular and 2) he’s in Afghanistan and that paints him as a bad person.

He’s not. He is so sweet. He is also so strong and determined. I just want him here to protect him and give him bust first night’s sleep where he knows he’s safe.l and where he can feel free.

I contacted a few places but I don’t know what to do. If he was out of the Middle East, I would have his permission to share our story and get public support. I know people love a love story so I would be happy to give them a happy ending. I honestly never thought that out of all my options, my top candidate for a husband is in one of the worst places to be gay.

I’ve never taken the easy path. It’s always the challenge. Any non-monetary help would be wonderful. Even if he doesn’t end up here with me, I just want him safe and out of there.

[drea_m_r_76]

I feel for you! Though extremely skeptical and protective, my hope is that everything turns out wonderfully for you. Please know my skepticism comes from a place of care. My daughter has borderline low-functioning autism, and people have used this to take advantage of her, so I hope you have people around you who can both support you and help you navigate this. If you ever need support, you are in the right place.

[pendragonfruit]

I’m always skeptic, but I am also slow-moving when it comes these sorts of things. All the progress that he has made ha been on his. I really just gave him encouragement and hope. I mean, to me, that doesn’t sound like a lot, because I’ve never lived in a situation like he has, but without me, he wouldn’t have had the support. I know for a fact that nobody has randomly reached out to people in Kabul when everything went bad. I mean, it still sounds strange to me, but I felt like I had to do something, even if it was just hope.

And I appreciate your skepticism. It is warranted as there are situations where things can go bad. If he did have bad intentions, he’s playing the long game or being very patient.

He is younger than me, which is a big hesitation for me. I’m not into dating younger, because maturity levels and younger men tend to not want to settle. However, while he is Muslim and has his faith, the values he was taught have some good merits. While they have less free love over there, it does have them more interested in commitment vs promiscuity.

Also, he didn’t have the Taliban active when he grew up. He was born after. He’s been scared since, but I’ve helped him maintain the ability to keep a cool head and not risk his own life.

Everything is a risk these days. I don’t want to give up on him. I know he has no bad intentions. We’ve had some very personal conversations which I was surprised he was open to discuss. But the younger generation growing up with American influence may have helped thwart some of the old and dated fears that the people of that region are used to.

While I want this all to have a good outcome, part of me doesn’t believe it will go farther. I have no money, he has no money. We both live in countries that have great obstacles. We both are in a group of people that sadly is hated for simply existing. Every odd that exists is against us.

The only easy option would be is if someone has one of those Trump Gold Cards lying around. Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

[drea_m_r_76]

Here’s a way to find your representatives. It’s definitely worth looking into. You should try to get everyone in your corner that you can.

https://mgaleg.maryland.gov/mgawebsite/members/district

https://msa.maryland.gov/msa/mdmanual/39fed/06ushse/html/rep.html

https://www.senate.gov/states/MD/intro.htm

[pendragonfruit]

Thank you for the links. I will go through those. I can’t give up on him. I’m already in literal tears about Gaza and what’s happening, again, to those people. Sometimes I wish I could tune down my empathy, but that’s not right. People need it. I used to not care about things, but now I care about everything.

I feel guilty for not paying attention to other places like Sudan and the people suffering there. It’s too much.

[pendragonfruit]

Wait, I guess I don’t know what to do. I mean, I just write them and hope they reply? I’ve never written my representative and idk if they can do or help me with anything regarding my friend.

[drea_m_r_76]

I understand that feeling…

[drea_m_r_76]

I really don’t know either. Maybe you can start by figuring out what you want to say and what you want to know. I wouldn’t include your relationship, at least not at first, or about his sexual orientation. Start by saying your friend’s name, his role in working with the Americans, where he is, and his current plans for getting out. Tell them anything you can think of. Ask if they can help you figure out what steps you (and he) can take to help get him out and what to realistically expect to happen. Think of any other questions you have. Again, I really have no idea, but these are the things I would write down. Try to be detailed while being concise.

[pendragonfruit]

Sorry for the delayed reply. I’ve been sick and busy.

So, we basically have the money to get him out of AF to Turkey. It costs like $3,000 USD. The GFM idiots have blocked donations because they think I’m funding a terrorist. I called them scammers and how their CEOs are making over $270k a year while they steal money from those in need.

So, he’s working on getting the hast bit of funds and then he will pay the office that does traveling like half. It takes ~15 days to get the visa to arrive. Then he pays the other half, and it seems they book him a flight to fly from Kabul or wherever the airport is, to Istanbul.

After that, we aren’t sure what to do. We know Canada has an office there and Istanbul, and he can apply as a refugee or asylum, maybe refugee first, then asylum after.

I don’t know the process after that.

My hope is that Canada’s friendlier immigration program will get him to Toronto, which isn’t far from me. And since I finally am about to start a job after being unemployed for about 2 years due to discrimination, I can afford to fly to Toronto, in hopes our planes don’t crash, and see him in person.

Marriage seems to be the next step in Canada, and then in the US, I can file Form I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative) which should allow him to come to the US and then apply for a green card.

I’m sure we’re going to have to pay someone to help, which sucks. I don’t have that money and neither does he.

[sciguy24]

I wish you the best of luck. That’s definitely a story worthy of a movie. In fact if I were you I’d be writing this all down in a narrative form so you can sell the book and afterward the screenplay and make 2x the money. There’s no better combo than love and money.

[drea_m_r_76]

What is GFM? Have you been able to talk to a Congressperson? Please be careful with your heart (and your money). I wish you all the best and hope you’re feeling better! How exciting that you’re starting a new job! What will you be doing? I agree with @sciguy24; you totally should write a book!

[pendragonfruit]

I do want a happy ending before going that route. I would hate to tell a sad story that gets more depressing bc the US is the way it is.

@drea_m_r_76, GFM is GoFundMe, but I prefer GoScamMe bc their CEO makes over $270k a year, shaving off a small percentage from each campaign. It’s a for-profit organization that is really a scam.

I wouldn’t know who to reach out to or how for the congressperson. I honestly don’t trust them. At this point, they should be declining pay because that’s how this was all set up. Only one I trust is Sanders, and he’s not Maryland.

I’ll be working as a pseudo social worker, helping people in need getting access to SNAP, Medicaid, and other programs. I just hope that I don’t lose it bc of what’s going on.

[drea_m_r_76]

That sounds like a great job, and you’ll be doing a lot of good for people who need it! I cannot recommend contacting representatives more to keep yourself safe and do it correctly. If anything isn’t done exactly right, there’s a greater chance of it either not working or working, only to have him have to leave because of a technicality. The websites I attached to an earlier post will give you names, phone numbers, addresses, etc., so take advantage of them. Also, not for nothing, you get more bees with honey than you do vinegar.

[pendragonfruit]

Sorry for late reply, it’s been a bit stressful.

He was denied the visa from Türkiye, which I learned is the spelling and not turkey. They only accept applicants from Afghanistan that are in medical need.

The only other options were Iran, which we don’t know if is going to be a war area, and Oman. Oman is NOT LGBTQIA+ friendly, but it has a Canadian embassy.

So we managed to get the funds to get to Oman, and he is going to apply for a visa Tuesday, 3/25. He has to do it then because Eid starts on 3/26 which is the feasting part of Ramadan, and everything is close for a week.

Another problem has been escalating in Afghanistan during this time. The current leadership of Afghanistan, the Hibatullah group, is having conflicts with the Haqqani group and it is starting to get bad in Kabul. The airport could be closed any day.

So, we are cutting it so close. Hopefully he gets approved for the visa for Oman, which will cover flight and hotel. This is the next big obstacle.

Hopefully he will have an easier time getting to Canada with the help of Rainbow Railroad. I do not want him to come to US under the current administration. I will just travel to visit him each month and if we still have a strong relationship, then marriage can be a reality after a year of visits.

It was a nightmare getting the money to him because of western union limits and assumptions he is scamming people because of where he’s from. People do not believe in good people anymore it seems.

[pendragonfruit]

Update: After much discussion with my partner and from what he learned from the travel agency, Oman is not the best choice as it is very expensive. So, we have to try Iran. The benefit of Iran is that it has a fair amount of friendly embassies, but the bad part is the uncertainty of war with the US (I mean Israel pulling the US’s strings).

With the situation going on in Türkiye, that may not be a safe option anyway, even from Iran. I don’t know if immigration laws have changed, but I think from Iran, we can just try Europe and then get to Toronto from there.

He is more scared now because just the other day, 2 gay men, who were trying to leave Afghanistan, were imprisoned. The Taliban do horrible things to their prisoners, especially gay men. So, when he does travel out, he and I have to cut ties so there’s no connection and I will be in the dark and will have to hope he makes it to Iran safely.

GoFundMe finally lifted the restrictions on me, only for them to be placed back on when I updated the “story” with new information. So I can’t share that online and yet they keep spamming me with “try sharing this here” emails. I can’t receive any donations so what’s the point in sharing? It’s not like people are going to watch it daily until they can help.

[drea_m_r_76]

That’s a lot to be dealing with! Have you been given him money directly? How’s the new job going?!

[pendragonfruit]

My grandma purchased savings bonds for me 30 years ago which matured on March 1st. I treated myself a bit, but chose to do something greater. I gave him $500, but screwed up and only gave $200. I still had more money than I really needed other than for fun.

I then gave him $1,000. He was unable to come up with the other $1,000 because they are just that poor. This is all in USD as far as the pricing goes for travel agencies. So I gave him another $1,000.

And just to remind, I’ve known him for about 5 years now, so it would be a very bad long-game of trying to scam me and risking potential death.

So he applied for Türkiye, was denied. We looked into Oman, and then I borrowed $4,500 from a friend, and the bank lady was convinced I was being scammed. It was hard to argue against her, but she was doing her job. And my friend is in her 80s so one of the usual clients who get scammed.

So I got the money to him. That same day is when he saw the article of the 2 gay men who were arrested there for being gay. Just before that, I did get him to verify it was him, for my friend’s sake, and because I had a small bit of doubt due to the bank lady, by sharing a screenshot of our chats to our old Facebook Messenger chats. His phone no longer supports messenger because it’s an iPhone 6.

That morning, I woke up to him unfriending me on FB and the chats from the other app were gone. I almost panicked, but he only did that out of fear of what the Taliban did to the gay couple. We discussed doing that to be safe, but not confirmed as to when we’d do it.

He plans to pay it all back, and I don’t know how much more we need, but I am hoping I can eventually get some help from GoFundMe via others. Regardless of what happens, I’m paying my friend back over the course of 4-5 months on top of my other expenses.

We still have to cut communications and any connections until he goes to Iran, so the day he leaves Afghanistan, which we think is the 31st, there’s going to be 3 hours where I won’t know anything, and will be super stressed.

He hasn’t done anything to make me lose faith or trust in him. Just that one little hiding our connections out of fear, but honestly, anyone would do the same. Most of us can’t know what it’s like to live under that kind of fear. It’s so bad, they choose to go hungry for a night over risking going out and encountering a hostile Taliban soldier.