An Updated Modest Proposal

“A Modest Proposal to Alleviate America’s 2nd Amendment & Education Problems”

In the wake of another school shooting, it is time to find a solution that will finally bring an end to the senseless rhetoric lobbed against our beautiful and wonderful 2nd Amendment rights that allow each and every person to possess, carry, and protect ourselves with high capacity assault weapons in this country.

The solution must be bold and simple enough that every REAL American voter can understand.

I propose that we relocate every public school campus to a shared space inside one of the many Super-Maximum Security Prison facilities across this great nation of ours.

Think about it! These facilities contain a single locked entrance guarded by trained and well armed officers, many locked corridors with man-trap foyers (with trip wires), encircling walls with rifle towers and barbed wire around the perimeter, and they are constantly patrolled by plenty of well-paid and motivated armed guards (the good guys with guns!!!) to protect those kids from the mentally challenged people who are legally carrying their firearms but unfortunately misdirecting their ammunition at (and in most cases inadvertently) harming the little others. (These facilities also have kitchens, cafeterias, medical facilities, and dorms with actual beds to house those people!)

By folding public schools into the prison campuses, we REAL Americans can finally and completely defund and redirect the public education budget and steer it into the private prison sector! We can also get rid of all of those troublesome socialist teachers!

But who will instruct those kids? We will Subcontract the inmates to become the teachers! There’s a pool of well over 2 million potential new teachers to choose from, and because of the 14th Amendment they will work for far cheaper than America’s current communist-unionized school teachers will. Plus, no pesky Educators Unions to deal with!

Since no self-respecting millionaire-I mean “REAL AMERICAN” wants to be taxed at all, let alone allow their taxes to fund public schools anyway, the result is not only an inevitable SAVINGS, but the promise of a more adaptive education offered to those kids. Experts have said that most of America’s public school students will receive a better education on the streets, and then end up going to “con college” to get their “criminal graduate degrees”, so this solution makes it one a stop shop for those kids for education, housing, AND health and food services!

But why should we stop with students?

How about this: All those other people who cannot afford to send their kids to Private Schools, (regardless of status as parents or not) should go to Super Max Prisons as well. Let’s just get them all together, lock them all up, and make sure that we respectable REAL Americans will no longer be troubled to have to see anyone who isn’t as successful as us using up our public commons. If they are all humanely housed within well designed and developed privatized prison dormitories, then all of the problems associated with those “lazy poor people” will go away, along with the guilt we endure and the burdens we REAL Americans have to bear whenever we notice them and are sometimes forced to engage with them as they try to survive another day in a society that they are incapable of understanding how to flourish in.