I am a 46-year-old American woman, and I have come to believe the United States should be governed exclusively by women in perimenopause.
Not because we are more nurturing.
Because we are done with bullshit.
At 46, I no longer have the hormonal reserves for a two-hour meeting that should have been an email.
You want to filibuster?
No.
You have eleven minutes.
And if you say, “I’d just like to circle back—”
Your microphone is off.
Imagine Congress run by perimenopausal women.
“Madam Speaker, historically—”
No. What do you want?
We would accidentally Lean Six Sigma the federal government in three weeks.
What does this process accomplish?
Nobody knows?
Delete it.
Why are six departments approving the same form?
“Well, we’ve done it that way since 1974.”
I did not ask when the nonsense began. I asked why we are still doing it.
Somewhere, Gary is sending a spreadsheet to Regional Operations.
Do they use it?
“No.”
Then why are you sending it?
“It’s required.”
By whom?
Silence.
Congratulations, Gary. You found waste.
Perimenopause basically turns you into a human process-improvement consultant.
Where is the bottleneck?
Who is creating unnecessary work?
Why are we doing seventeen things when only three matter?
And who scheduled this meeting at 4:30?
Removed from leadership.
Foreign policy would get interesting too.
Some dictator starts making theatrical threats.
The president says:
Are you going to do something, or are you having feelings in public?
I have been awake since 3:17 for no reason, I am sweating in an air-conditioned room, and I do not have the bandwidth for your little military parade.
State your objective.
That is the gift of perimenopause.
Titles? Whatever.
Tradition? Maybe.
Authority? Explain yourself.
“We have always done it this way” is not an argument.
It is evidence nobody has reviewed the process in thirty years.
So maybe we do not need a constitutional perimenopause requirement.
Maybe we just need the Perimenopause Standard of Governance:
Does this make sense?
Does it work?
Who benefits?
Why are we still doing it?
And could everyone please stop wasting my goddamn time?
Honestly, America may just need a mildly overheated 46-year-old woman with a legal pad saying:
“Start over.
And this time, nobody bullshit me.”